Cloud Strife Is Not Afraid of Horsebirds
by TheEndOfTomorrow
Summary: A sequel to 'Cloud Strife Is Not An Emo', in which our hero finds himself face-to-beak with his most abject fears of squawking, (mostly) flightless giant birds. Multi-chapter, Cloud x Tifa. Rated for cursing and kissing.


Disclaimer – I do not own any legal rights to Final Fantasy VII, the remake (!) or any of the Final Fantasy VII Compilation. This is a fan work based off the products that are produced by Square Enix, and nothing more.

A/N – What can I say? Inspiration strikes unexpectedly. Do note that this takes place after my older story, Cloud Strife is Not an Emo. Not that I'm asking you to read that, but it will help this one make a tad more sense.

-Cloud Strife is Not Afraid of Horsebirds-

A fan fiction by,

TheEndOfTomorrow.

* * *

' _Last time, on_ Mounted Sentai Chocoenger!'

' _Uwa! The Golden Robo-cobo...it's power is too great! I can't control it!_ '

' _Bwahahaha...with this, the Chocoengers' downfall is assured!_ '

' _N-no! No, I can't give up! I will master this power! I am not afraid!_ '

'Mounted Sentai Chocoenger _, Episode 34! A new power!? The Mighty Robo-cobo Transformation!_ '

"This is so...so...SO COOL!"

The latter exclamation came from the mouth of Denzel, a young boy of ten. On the cusp of becoming a teenager, the boy sat parked on the floor in front of a television set next to a younger girl, both of their eyes glued to the TV. The girl, not breaking her gaze from the flickering display, reached out and pinched him with just enough force on the arm to elicit a groan of protest from Denzel.

"Shhh! We'll miss it!" Marlene chided her adoptive older brother – the entire interaction observed by their adoptive (in Marlene's case, perhaps adopted-once-removed) parents.

"I don't want to watch this. What do they see in this junk?" Whispered the swordsman with spiky blonde hair, shifting in his seat, avoiding looking at the screen too much.

"I dunno," whispered his female companion in reply, poking his arm slightly, mimicking as Marlene had to Denzel. "what do you see in motorcycles?"

"Tifa, motorcycles are like cars except better. They permit freedom, speed, and mobility. That freedom extends to battle, which I prefer instead of sitting like a duck in a metal deathtrap. Also, motorcycles are freaking cool. So I think I see plenty-MRF!"

The sentence ended with an large fat chocobo pillow/plushie the size of a basketball connecting to the face of one Cloud Strife.

"We're. Missing. It. Cloud!" Marlene stood up, glaring, displeased with the ongoing dialogue.

Gasping for air after prying his face loose from the fat chocobo's belly, Cloud gave the younger child a thumbs up to signify her point was made. Satisfied, Marlene turned her attention back to the television. Cloud's, however, drifted downwards into the beady, black eyes of the chocobo plush.

It stared back.

Cloud shivered involuntarily, shoving the plush with a tad of force into the lap of the woman sitting to his side. The beautiful martial artist clad in black, Tifa Lockheart by all counts had unwittingly made it a life's duty to unravel the tightly wound tapestry that was her lover's issues. "Hey, what's the deal?" hissed Cloud's better half.

"Hush, we're missing it." Cloud pointed to the screen – putting to use his other great skill in life aside from swordplay...namely, dodging Tifa's questions.

Tifa, for her part, had never been nor would ever be fooled. But lest she risk the wrath of Marlene herself, she contented herself with a slight huff and raise of the eyebrow. For now, anyway. Rubbing her stomach, she turned back to the ridiculous program.

* * *

Cloud stood in the kitchen area of the couple's shared home/business, the 7th Heaven. Tacked to the refrigerator door, Tifa would usually leave him a list of groceries to pick up – after all, Cloud being a 'delivery boy' allowed him easy opportunity to pick up the shopping supplies they needed. This week's list, however...

"I still don't understand what the occasion is, Tifa..." Cloud bent down to the floor, picking up the tail end of the massive list. "I miss having everyone together sometimes too, but we see them all individually enough. Maybe certain ninjas a little _too_ much."

Tifa smacked Cloud on the arm for his comment, earning a wince from the man. Being who she was, even when Tifa _tried_ to hold back her own strength it tended to break bones. "Lest we forget, Strife, it's MY property and you're technically a tenant here. I can rent one of them your room instead if you'd prefer?"

Cloud smirked, stepping closer to Tifa as he did. "Funny, for being a landlady you're not exactly good about collecting rent."

Tifa raised her face a bit to meet Cloud's lips with her own, eyes shining as she pulled away. "Just did."

"In that case, I think I owe a few months' back rent..." Cloud pushed his lips to Tifa's once more, this time outright refusing to let her go.

At least, until the door banged open, followed by: "Marlene, they're sucking face again!"

"Ewwww! That's such a gross way to say it! Blech!"

Cloud, with great effort, pulled himself from his preferred activity and pressed his forehead to Tifa's own, sighing. "Busted."

"Again. They have some supernatural timing. And where did Denzel pick up 'sucking face' from, anyway?"

 _Cloud's motorcycle, Fenrir, sped along the wasteland outside of Edge. Behind him, a brunette child clutched his hands around the driver's waist. Making one last stop, Cloud brought the bike to a pause on a hill overlooking the barren landscape – one with a particular blade stuck into it's crest. "Thanks for tagging on this route with me, Denzel. Cid and Shera wanted to see how you were doing. You know, 'You've grown so much,' all that stuff. Sorry they were sucking face half the time – I guess their honeymoon phase never quite ended with so much time to make up for."_

" _Sucking face?"_

 _"...Well you see..."_

"No idea." Cloud replied.

"Well," Tifa kissed Cloud on the nose before shoving the list of sundries into his hands – folded for his pleasure, at least. "everyone's coming and that's that. We can have get-togethers, Cloud. Don't be a grouch."

"I'm not a grouch."

"Then don't be emo."

"We settled that." Cloud warned, a slight glare settling onto his features.

Giggling, Tifa turned the man around, pushing him towards the door outside. "Fine, fine. Go, delivery boy! Your work's cut out for you! They'll be here if you dilly-dally-"

"-shilly-shally. No kidding..." Cloud walked out the door, staring at his trusty vehicle of choice. The sleek black frame shining in the sunlight, the extra storage space specifically reserved for overlarge swords and nothing else, the seat only just large enough for two... "Wait a minute, Tifa, I ride a bike. How'm I supposed to-" The door shut behind him. Cloud sighed.

* * *

Cloud stared now at the alarmingly large sacks of groceries he'd acquired, and the few he'd managed to pack onto his poor bike. Fenrir, his beloved steed of metal, appeared to be leaning too much to one side for comfort. "Seriously, how!?" the exasperated blonde half-shouted.

The grocer who'd helped him haul the cache out let loose a low whistle. "Dunno what you was thinkin', son. Whadder'ye all settin' fer a party or sumthin'?"

"You have _no_ idea." remarked Cloud, thinking of a drunken Barret and Cid, Yuffie swiping as much food as she could..."I don't suppose you have a trailer I can hitch to this? The bike's pretty strong, it'll pull, and I'll bring it right back." Cloud asked, now grasping at straws. ' _I'd take figuring out the weird labyrinth doors in the Temple of the Ancients to this right now. I'm that desperate.'_

"Naw, ain't got no trailer. Although, welp..." The older man brought his fingers to his lips, a shrill call whistle piercing the air. "GIT ON UP OUT HEAH!"

Cloud froze. He heard a death knell, as he swore he had many times before his silver-haired nemesis made his presence apparent. They were evil, he saw, and instinctively knew to be true in his heart of hearts. Yellow feathers swishing in the sunlight, strong clawed feet kicking up clouds of gravel and dust as their legs pumped, beaks crowing into the open sky...but all Cloud could hear was their unabashedly evil 'Kweh!'s and malevolent 'Wark!'s. His eyes glazed over, his mind providing him with a wonderful mental image of baby chocobos chirping, grooming themselves amongst the spiky locks of his hair as if it were their mother...

The two large chocobos bounded up in reply to the man's call, loyal steeds as they were – the birds skidding to a halt just before their owner and the now-stock-still man standing aside him. "Reckon ah'll let yuh borrow'm. They'll c'mon back once yer done, smartest dang birds as I evuh seen. G'on an' load 'em up."

"I..." Cloud felt as though he'd been hit with a petrification attack. He couldn't move, he could barely register enough brainpower to continue breathing. The grown man who'd brought the world back from the brink twice squeaked out some words that didn't sound as if they'd made it out of his throat at all as intended.

"Whassat boy? Speak up!"

"I...I, I can't."

"Yuh can't."

"No."

Deadpan, the grocer stared at Cloud as though he'd grown a second head – hairdo and all. "I ain't a one ta tell a man how ta life 'is life. But son, just whut are yew plannin' tuh do?"

Cloud gulped. He saw two ways out of this. One would involve a miraculous tolerance of horsebirds. The other would involve abject humilation.

* * *

"Cloud."

"Yes, love?"

"Why does there appear to be three rigged-together baby strollers, one little red wagon, two shopping carts and a basket with what looks to be a makeshift set of wheels carved out of apples tied to the back of your motorcycle?" Tifa swept her arm along the sordid scene as she counted each item out. Fenrir responded by creaking as if in protest.

"Well, Tifa, I ride a motorcycle, something you failed to account for when you gave me a shopping list that'd put the WRO rules and regulations handbook to shame in length. So, I improvised." Cloud shrugged indifferently, even as Tifa pursed her lips. She raised her arms...

' _Wait. Wait, no, she's not about to...'_ Cloud began to sweat.

Tifa took a stance, balling her fists.

Cloud's thoughts turned completely frantic at this. ' _She can't! She can't possibly!'_

Both of Tifa's hands found their way to either side of her waist, pressing into her hips. Her lips remained pursed. Only one thought ran through Cloud's mind:

 _'My god, she knows.'_

"Cloud. The grocer in question is a relative of Choco Bill. You DO remember Choco Bill from the chocobo farm, yes?" Cloud nodded his hesitant assent to this, the memories somewhat foggy – but indeed intact. "I know for a fact that this grocer lends out his chocobos for large deliveries. I wholly expected you to come strolling up with two horsebirds trailing behind you and your bike, not this...this...makeshift parade!"

Cloud opened his mouth as if to say something, but Tifa dug her hands into her hips further. In what perhaps was one of his wiser moves that day, the blonde swordsman elected to shut up.

"Want to know what I think?"

Cloud opened his mouth again, only for Tifa to assert her stance once more. Inwardly sighing, Cloud nodded with the air of a man defeated.

"Ages ago, you had that nightmare about chocobos nesting in your hair. You acted like Marlene's plushie toy was a time bomb in a Mako reactor the other night. And now, this...little parade of yours. I think you're afraid of chocobos, Cloud Strife."

Cloud made a noise that fell somewhere between 'kuh' and 'pah' on the scale of noncommittal grunts, grabbing one of the large sacks of groceries and making his way into the kitchen area. "Tifa, listen. We used chocobos on our journey several times over. We captured them, fed them, raced them even. If I were afraid of chocobos, don't you think that would have come up then?"

Tifa leaned in the doorway, arms folded, listening to Cloud. "You still thought you were Zack for a lot of that. And as a matter of fact, I suddenly can't recall any instance of you even going near the chocobo stables on the Highwind around the same time you 'remembered' yourself."

Cloud raised up from unpacking the sack of groceries to look Tifa dead in the eyes. "Seriously, Tifa? You think I, a grown man that's saved the world twice now, am actually afraid of overgrown bird-things?"

"No one's invincible, Cloud, no matter how much we'd like to be. Come on..." Tifa's features softened at this, moving closer to Cloud, snaking her arms through his. "We went through this before. Talk to me, Cloud. This is what we're about. This is what I'm here for."

Cloud sighed, mumbling into her hair something that sounded like 'mfredothtupidoresirds.'

"What was that, Cloud?"

Cloud threw back his head, this time loud and clear, his voice reverberating through the entire kitchen area: "I said, I'm afraid of the stupid horsebirds. I'm afraid of chocobos!"

In response to his proclamation, Tifa didn't move nor make any response at all. Disconcerted at this, Cloud tilted his head back down, probing Tifa for any reaction at all. Was she bluffing, or did she not expect him to admit it so easily? Yet, finally...

"Um, you might not have wanted to say that as loudly as you did."

Realization hit Cloud like a chocobo foot to the face. "They're all in the bar, aren't they."

"Mm-hmm."

"And the counter window is open, isn't it."

"Yup."

"Barret's already starting to laugh."

"...Geheheheh...hahahaha...HAHAHAHAHAH...Damn, Spikes, I knew – out of EVERYONE here, I KNEW you was messed up an' crazy, but this is somethin' SPECIAL!"

* * *

A/N – Suddenly, a random story out of the blue. I've always kind of had the idea for this one after the first, but I'm not sure what kept me from writing it in the time I did have to spare. I guess I'm just glad I finally got to put words to it, and I hope it's to everyone's liking. It does feel good to be writing again, either way. Please read and review, let me know what you think. I don't think this is going to be a long one – maybe one or two more chapters, depending. Rest assured, I have more planned to this for poor Cloud.

For the record: yes, the nesting baby chocobo dream was a reference to my other fanfiction. And yes, the 'death knell' Cloud 'heard' when the chocobos ran at him was indeed a reference to Sephiroth's theme in FF7 proper, 'Those Chosen by the Planet.'

REMAKE HYPEEEEEEEEEEE AADAJIGHAOAEJOEHGSOHEOJCAODAOUSAODAOFEOFE TAKE MY MONEY SQUARE ENIX TAKE ALL OF IT I AM TRASH THAT WILL PREORDER THE COLLECTOR'S EDITION AND SEASON PASS ALL THE DLC

Ahem.

Had to let that out, apologies.

Enjoy!

Until next time,

Take care, Dear Reader.

-TheEndOfTomorrow


End file.
